Sometimes in order to calm my anxiety I try to remember how much life can change, for the better, in short and long periods of time. It helps to remind me how much ours lives can improve in that same span of time in the future.
This week …
5 years ago – I was finishing my last and most stressful semester of college. I was living on my own, in my own apartment, paying all my own bills for the first time. I was working and going to school, I was getting my senior design show up and running, with many problems in ordering fabric. I was getting ready for a weekend of grad school interviews and putting the finishing touches on a very problematic production of “The Elephant Man” pretty much on my own. By the end of this week I would be in Chicago for the interviews with a bandaged, bruised hand (some form of stress relief + boxing + wooden costume racks = flat knuckles/b.s. story about moving a friends couch) in full knowledge that my rent check was about to bounce because I had lost my most recent paycheck two hours before I had to leave the state and my almost 5 year old relationship was officially in the gutter and dying.
4 years ago – I was moving into a big city on my own with a roommate I didn’t know in Cleveland, OH. I had just done a semester of grad work at a school that was not for me. Mainly because they’d fired the instructor I meant to study under about 2 months before I was to start and hired a sub-par replacement. I had cried my way out of my hometown as I had driven to my new home on my own and even slightly rear-ended a car a stop light because of it (no damage and the guy was very considerate when he saw my red teary eyes)
3 years ago – Starting year two in Cleveland with Ben, struggling to make ends meet on very small incomes. Working freelance on too many projects to make ends meet until contracts started for the spring, planing a wedding, etc.
2 years ago – Had just moved cross-country in the winter to Oregon. Didn’t know a soul, housing difficulties out the wazoo, stress… lots of stress.
1 year ago – Starting up my second season in Oregon… not knowing how different next January would be…
This year – Still waiting to have a baby who is due on the exact date my world came crashing down around my feet 5 years ago.
But enough on the negative
5 years ago – Pushed myself to a breaking point in my studies and learned just how far I can go, ended a dying relationship and came to some realizations about the man who is now my husband.
4 years ago – Had the excellent foresight to abandon a program and a degree that would have left me poorly trained and without real world experiences.
3 years ago – Having to foot your own wedding bills teaches you financial responsibility and what should be really important that day… also applies to life
2 years ago – One of the best adventures of my life, reached a goal working for my dream company within 3 years of undergrad graduation… I pat myself on the back.
1 year ago – Have had my first vacation time in years and am able to do a lot of soul searching.
This year – Still waiting to have a baby who is due on the exact date I entered adulthood 5 years ago.
Oh yeah… I also got offered a real (salary + benefits) job today that will be waiting for me as soon as I’m on my feet post baby… in true Molly fashion – the easy road is apparently for wussies.