I’ve talked a little bit about “The Plan” here.  For those who don’t know, “The Plan” is a current 4-5 year encompassing plan to get our little family firmly on our feet.  “The Plan” includes another cross country move and more school for both of us.  We’re doing this because we have a certain kind of life we want to lead, nothing too fancy or extravagant, and have found our current situations with work and education are not going to lead us there any time soon.  We also have desires to be nearer our family and friends and accept the responsibilities that will come with this.

However, I wish I could say we’re both jumping at this with equal ferocity.  Ben is eager to be nearer his friends and large family again and to be heading towards a job path that will mean he never has to sell another cell phone again in his life.  I however feel like I’m dragging my feet, which is bad because the first two years of the plan revolve around me and the following three years depend on me completely the first two (confused yet?).  Why is this?  It’s because, in general, I’m happy right where I am for the moment.  My current job is satisfying (though, I keep reminding myself, not something I want to do forever) and I’ve found a nice little group of friends out here that have helped but some balance back into my life.  The truth is I kind of don’t want to leave, at least I’m not at 100%.

I keep telling myself that its necessary, which it is, and of all the good things that are going to come of it, which there will be.  I’m not giving up on my love of the theatre, just finding new ways of doing so without having to be a starving artist for ever.  But the most important thing I have to keep repeating is that it’s not about me.

And it’s not.  True, I’m getting a chance at more education and that Master Degree in whatever that I’ve always desired.  However, the reason I’m doing this is to give Ben a chance to be happier at what he does and surround himself with the people he wants and the reality of it is that unless I can do more in the job world he can’t escape retail.  We also have our families to think of, each of us coming from small and large families have different but equal pressures to be closer to those people.  So part of “The Plan” is also for them.

I might not want to quit my job before I’m really ready too, and I might not want to move cross country again, but this isn’t just about me and I can’t be that selfish

And with this in mind I’ve put phase one into play.  I’ve re-enrolled at my old community college where I can take about four or five classes via their online program that will eventually transfer as full credit to the program I will be applying for next year (essentially knocking off an entire semester and for less than 1/2 the price).  In a few months I’ll be hitting the books again and be just a little bit closer to “The Plan”

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