and been the star of many plays… okay not really, but I’ve worked on many plays and if I can brag for a moment one of the plays I worked on before moving last year is mentioned in THIS article.  But, back to the point and ego stroking aside, I have seen better days.

In general the hormones have mellowed out a lot since Sept/Oct/Nov., but I still have my days and nights of worry.  The kind where I have to keep my poor husband up at night just so I can repeat my list of “It could be a lot worse if…” and “It’ll be better as soon as…”  The poor guy, he’s had a good life, and often doesn’t know how to react to stuff like this, but he’s learning and trying and really wants to make it into one big joke so we can laugh at it.  But the best thing he’s told me so far is that he’s anxious for Baby Who to be in the world so that he can finally lend a hand and take some of the weight off my shoulders.  He’s paid attention these last 8 months, he understands that it’s been really rough on me and he’s just waiting for his turn to come around… I’m a pretty darn lucky woman.

A few things I’m reminding myself of right now:

  • Though I’ve had it rough, I’ve been blessed with quite possibly the most boring, healthy pregnancy ever.  Other than MY anxiety, which I believe was a bigger factor in the 4+ months of nausea and morning sickness than were the hormones and the fact that I’m a smaller person sharing a small space with an even smaller person, I have suffered from anything else that I dreaded – no hemorrhoids, no heartburn, no strange leaking fluids, no swelling, every test that could come back negative has and the baby has had no visible problems and has always measured and scanned perfectly… and in the completely-100%-vain category I don’t waddle, I can still see my feet with a little effort and look pretty darn cute with a belly.  (Judge away for the vanity, but it’s true and it thinking it helps me feel a little better)
  • 1)  Our living situation is only temporary, and is a smart decision that we will pat ourselves on the back for in the future.  2)  A lot of people who seem to “have it all” don’t.  3)  There’s a difference between accumulating a few bills and blindly accumulating debt and our current plan of action is keeping us from one and we’ll be better off for it in the future.
  • While I had no luck in the last four months, I do have an education and I will find a job that rewards that in some way.  I just have to be patient and remind myself that though I’ve always found work in theatre, that job hunting and interviewing in the “normal” sector of the job market is completely different.
  • I’m not going to turn out like some of the people I worked with over the last few months just because I too was working a crappy retail job.  Part of this is because of the aforementioned completed education and our choice of friends  and a blessing of good family.
  • As the husband says all that’s needed is the right amounts of love and discipline at the right times to make sure that my kid does not turn out like the million little cretins I had to deal with during the holiday season.  Seriously, we should make all teenagers and college students work the weekend shifts during the Christmas season, it’d be the best deterrent ever.

 

I’m just trying to take it one day at a time…  it’ll all work out in the end….

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