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Thank for sticking by me as I complained ad-nauseum last week.  It really was a doozy of a week and I’m quite glad that it is over and I can start again.

I wish I could say I looked like this all week, but this was the day before the “Drag Comment”

Most of the week I felt more like this.

P.S. Can I have a vote on the new bangs? – I’m digging them and think it’ll look better as the rest of the hair (in a small ponytail finishes growing out)

I wish I could post a bunch of great pictures of our adventure today, but we decided Sunday morning not to go adventuring.  We really just needed a day at home to re-charge.  Though it was less adventurous than I planned we did get a lot of cleaning done, a huge pile of laundry cleaned and both our closest cleaned (and a pile of stuff for the Goodwill) and capped off the night with a good home-cooked meal and a nice movie.

The result of some closest purging/organizing – you’re looking at all of my clothes save my underthings and pants.

Ben’s new (very snug) corner of the room

The impetus for most of the cleaning and laundry was a new piece of furniture.  I stopped at random consignment store today and found the final piece of furniture we’ve been look for for months, a high-boy dresser for our bed room.  We finally threw out Ben’s old plastic stack drawers and even found him a nightstand.  We are officially free of all our old college student furniture and have a nice collection of really furniture, most of it bought slowly second hand.  Nothing matches, but in that lovely, eclectic way.

The newest member of the bedroom – apologies not fully organized/decorated yet.

Onward to the new week!

This is a marriage moment brought to you by the letter W and the color Purple.

The other day I went on a cleaning rampage.  The last of the holiday decorations finally got taken down, more pictures finally made it up on the walls, art work too!  Books also got rearranged because I was tired of having our DVD collection spilling out on the floor as the DVD holder we bought last year has ceased to contain more than half of our collection.  On to the bottom self of the near by bookcase went the extra movies that didn’t merit a place on the DVD shelves-proper.  These  lowly pieces of cinematic entertainment were my “girl-movies” and a good selection of what has joined our que in the last year.  I arranged them nicely in and organized fashion and waited for Ben to get home so I could show all my progress for the day.  If you think I had my makeup done, a fresh starched dress on and greeted him with a fresh from the oven plate of cookies  and a “how was your day dear?” you’ve got another thing coming.  Nope in all my dust covered, sweaty from moving furniture glory I asked him to pick up a pizza and greeted him with a “Look at everything I’ve done!”

The pizza went in the oven and the nights entertainment had already been chosen for a nice night at home.  That’s when I took him over to show him the DVD’s that were no longer on the floor.

“Hm,”  he says.  “That’s good, but with a little work we could have this organzied.”

Organizing our DVD’s is not an easy feat.  It is not done alphabetically or by color nope it’s done by major theme/genre.  So instead of sitting down to our pizza and Big Bang Theory we sat on the floor idlely munching on pizza for a half our testing our brains with conundrums like

“Should The Incredibles go with the animated, comedy or superhero genre?”  – It became the bridge between the comedy and superhero sections.  Oh yes, the movies aren’t just arranged based on group each group is supposed to move seamlessly into the next group. Example one shelf is arranged thus:

Historical Fiction Section

Bridge Movie: Newsies

Musical Section

Bridge Movie: Labyrnth

Fantasy- General

Bridge Movie: The 10th Kingdom

Fantasy – Based on Books and Stories

Bridge Movie: Enchanted

Animated

and this how married people spend their time…. wow….

p.s. my “girl-movies” are still banished to the bookcase…. but now so is his kung-fu section 😉

Example #1 – Molly wants to take a New Years Picture.  Ben wants to enjoy his New Years brew.

Example #2 – We try to combine these activities.  Picture Fail.

Example #3 – We try again and get questionable product placement.


Example #4 – Okay seriously now.

Example #5 – Really Ben? Really

Example #6 – Okay Bub listen here….

Example #7 – That’s better.

I hope you had a wonderful, and more cooperative, New Years.

Tonight I sent my husband two text messages while he was at work; it went something like this.

Message #1

“What do you think would happen if you put the Narnia Wardrobe inside the TARDIS?”

Message #2

“P.S. Can you pick up a pizza or something for dinner?”

I’m strange, and I’m grateful for having someone in my life that accepts me and my nerd-reality altering conundrums and is willing to get pizza when I don’t want to cook.

Also, I’d like to state that I have yet to top his ultimate strange phone related question which was as follows:

Me:  Hi, what are you doing?

Him:  I’m in line at WalMart buying underware.

Me:  Um, okay.  Well anyways-

Him: Have you ever been in line to buy underwear and wondered how many people in line to buy underwear aren’t wearing underwear?

Me:  I’m going to go now.

I guess we’re both lucky.

My last thought on this verse comes from wondering if we haven’t been focusing too much on actions the word “submit” brings to mind.  Especially in a modern type of thought we see this passage in all the, what I will call, the wrong ways it is used.  We see this verse used to control a woman’s actions and decisions from the extent of her education to her type of dress.

As I stated in my previous post I’ve stated my belief that I now see this passage more as a cry for respect, involvement and self-sacrifice.  I would also like to suggest that this passage is also about devotion and for that I choose this particular interpretation of the text.

“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord.”

The addition of the word “yourselves” adds a whole new dimension to the phrase.  If you choose a religious life you are called to do so by being devoted to that religion.  In the Old Testament, Joshua 21:43 it says “to love the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to obey his commands, to hold fast to him and to serve him with all of your heart and all your soul.”

Devotion, by definition, is an “Ardent, often selfless affection and dedication, as to a person or principle.”  If our marriages are supposed to reflect our love of God, than shouldn’t they mirror it in devotion?  If we don’t go into marriage to serve our husbands and wives (remember the next verse says for men to do likewise) with “all of your heart and all of your soul” i.e. submitting “yourselves” then what does that say about your devotion to God?

We are taught from childhood to put all our faith and trust in God.  We are to listen to what He wants and make decisions for our lives from that, even if it means not always getting what we want.  I’m sure many of us can think of a few examples of people getting married for the wrong reasons or with the wrong ideas.  People who think I can still act the same and do all of the same things that I could do before marriage.  I can be married and still be completely independent.  The only thing that is important to me is me and it will stay like that.”  Though we might not know too many people who would say this out-loud, actions often speak louder than words and we see those who don’t want to give up certain aspect of a “single” lifestyle or make career and financial decisions without consulting their partners.

I’m here to say it is not like that.  When you devote yourself to being married, just as when you devote yourself in your religion, you should be saying “I’m ready to give up a little bit of myself.  I am ready to stop the world from revolving around me.  I am ready to make choices based on what is good for us, not just me.  I am ready, even, to change if it is necessary.”

To submit yourselves, to be willing to give yourselves to all the major relationships in your life should be an act of devotion – an “ardent, often selfless affection and dedication, to a person or principle.”

Okay to start off, I’m taking a bit of a risk with this post.  Normally I try to keep religious and political opinions to a minimum, but Elizabeth posted an interesting post this morning of a religious nature, and I’ve had something rattling around in my head of a similar nature that I want to get out.  So here goes my first official religious type post.   As a disclaimer I’d just like to put out there that I’m a Christian, currently trying to find out where she fits in, so any posts on this subject will be Christian in nature.  But I’m not out to try and convert anyone; religion has always been an interesting subject to me and study has always been encouraged in my family.  As my husband says, we attempt not to be blind sheep; when we say we believe X, Y and Z we understand why we believe X, Y and Z.

Okay so here it goes.

So when I got married I wasn’t going through a huge actively religious time in my life, but I dutifully got out my Bible and read some passages.  You know the typical ones like Corinthians and some of that Genesis stuff, but there was one passage that always rubbed me the wrong way and that was good ol’ Ephesians 5:22, you probably know the one even if you don’t read the Bible.  The infamous “Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord.”  It was enough to make my hackles stand on end, if I had hackles that is.

And I thought here’s this one little sentence that’s going to ruin my life.  I have to submit to Ben for everything?  I mean seriously everything?  It’s a little vague, does it just mean about home things and raising children or do I need to get his okay on how I look when I go out of the house and what I say, watch, read?  Excuse me while I run for the door.  I’m not going to let one person have that much control over me; I’m a modern, educated, experienced young woman gosh darn it!

Needless to say I still got married, but I didn’t use this passage as a reading during the ceremony.

This has long been a passage used by many to insist that men get to be dominant and women only submissive little housewives with no opinions of their own and no minds of their own.  In fact, though I can’t currently source it, I believe I remember reading that it was once used as justification against womens suffrage.

There are a few basic was this passage has been translated

1.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

2.  Wives, yield to your husbands, as you do to the Lord.

3.  Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

4.  Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord.

In general most of the translations are fairly similar so we must look at the definition of the word “submit”.  A quick punch into dictionary.com gives us this:

Submit

1.  to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (often used reflexively).

2.  to subject to some kind of treatment or influence.

3.  to present for the approval, consideration, or decision of another or others: to submit a plan; to submit an application.

4.  to state or urge with deference; suggest or propose (usually fol. by a clause): I submit that full proof should be required.

So we’ve all seen this passage defined by those top two definitions, but in my mind defining this word in this instances with those two definition justs fuels the the fire for those who’d use this passage for their own gain.  So I suggest using definition#3.

Even taking out the word submit and putting in the definition makes the passage so much more assessable  “Women present for the approval, consideration or approval of your husbands as you do to the Lord.”  Wow, now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside!  I can do that without loosing my modern sensibilities no problem!

So what I do I see this passage asking me to do?

Show Some Respect, Be Equally Involved and Realize It’s Not All About You.

I believe it is encouraging women and men (don’t forget the next passages tells men to do the same and is often overlooked!) to give their marriages and their spouses the same amount of respect they’d give God.  This I got no problem as I see marriage as having three partners; husband, wife and God all equally involved and respected.

I believe it is encouraging husband and wife to be equally involved.  There is no one person who gets more say than the other.  You’ve got to check with the other when you’re making decisions.  Even if we go with the traditional outline of marriage i.e. man as breadwinner and woman as runner of the home we see how this works.  The breadwinner wouldn’t up and leave his job without consulting his wife just as the homemaker wouldn’t order a refurbished kitchen without checking with her husband.  It’s all about the balance and balance helps keep peace.

I believe it is encouraging both to realize “It’s not all about you.”  Yep, guess what, no matter which religion if any you belong to most likely you’re going to realize that marriage is a serious point in your life when it becomes about two people not just about one.  You need to make decisions that not only affect you, but other people now and guess what?  You’re not always going to have the right answer and we can see this from anything on choosing how to combine your furniture, to picking out dinner, to figuring out how to raise kids.  It’s a partnership and partnerships are all about the give and take.

So in brief, just as most of us wouldn’t make a big decision without prayer and consideration, this passage is encouraging husbands and wives to treat their decisions with that same kind of thoughtfulness and consideration.  Just as when we pray about something we feel we want and then receive a sign that it’s not a good decision, we both must be willing to act the same with in a marriage.  Sometimes he’s going to know what’s best., sometimes she is and sometimes neither is going to know what’s best and both should listen to the third partner in their marriage.  However, each must be willing to do and accept the outcome with humility and love.

So now with all my modern thoughts and opinions do I consider myself a submissive wife to my husband, I might loose my feminist card for saying so, but yes I do.  Just as I believe my husband is a submissive husband to me and that we are both submissive to something greater.

My across the walk neighbors are nice people. They have parties ever week, but they’ve never gotten out of control and always wrap up by 1 a.m., which is acceptable in my book. They are always courteous and we make little conversation when we see each other. They’re always inviting us to come over when they have these little parties, but we never do.

Part of it is because, well neither Ben or I have much interest in the college-type party scene anymore. You know the freeze your bollocks off standing outside while swigging cheap beer kind while playing loud music, etc. kind of thing.

The walls of our apartment are pretty thin so when they are all outside I can hear everything that is said. Last night it was this gem…

“Yeah, this my fiance…. (mumble, mumble)…. yeah, she’s celebrating…. she got divorced today and is burning her old marriage certificate….”

I’m not going to get on my soapbox here about everything I find horrible about what I over heard… much. I’m not against divorce. Sometimes its necessary; as not everyone gets married for the right reason, with maturity and consideration. Sometimes one of the people, or both just end up being horrible. There a numerous reasons.

It’s not divorce I’m against, but a willy-nilly lack of respect for marriage.

When Ben got home they of course asked us to come over and he declined and I launched into a longer version of my soapbox with him and then stopped and apologized.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m really not becoming some kind of self-righteous prude but…”

He interrupted, “But we’re people who respect marriage and what it stands for. I got ya’.”

He smiled and continued to eat his dinner and I knew he understood what I meant and I knew that he’s taking this seriously too.

I’m not a gushy, mushy romantic type person; in fact I’m very anti-mushiness. However, that moment to me was better than a hundred bouquets of flowers and stupid stuffed animals because “he gets it”.

B and I travel… alot and we’ve been trying to figure out a way of keeping track of everything we’ve seen and the strange places we’ve been through.

A few months ago we came up with “The Map” and a few nights ago it finally came into being.

So let me introduce you to our new favorite piece of decoration… “The Map”.


Originally uploaded by The New Domestic

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